Seeing Nothing
by Thoughts And Pondering
Summary: ...He wasn’t breathing. I didn’t wake up, since this wasn’t a figment of my over-active imagination. It was reality, and I had a big, ugly bruise to prove it. Mary learns how to live life again after Jack dies. But she still doesn't know the truth.
1. The Grass Is Greener On This Side

Seeing Nothing

Summary: When her husband dies, Mary grieves upon Mother's Hill. As she does so, she finds something worth living for. (One Shot)

(Yes I know it's short)

Sub Title: The Grass Is Greener On This Side

(A/N) Yes, I do realize this is quite short but as I do want to get this up soon before I have to go to my school camp (yay) I shortened it. If you want me to lengthen it or maybe continue it, tell me in a review.

I'm standing up at the peak of Mother's Hill, looking up at the stars but seeing nothing. I can feel tears tricking out of my eyes like a broken tap but I make no attempt to wipe them away. Sam is in my hands, looking at the droplets and wondering why it's only raining on him. He looks up at the sky, mystified, because he can see no clouds.

But I can't look up at the sky and imagine these non-existent clouds because no matter how hard I try, I see nothing.

I start looking at the moon, but I turn away since it reminds me of Jack's face. Something about my husband ending up as the man in the moon doesn't amuse me at the moment. I take my glasses off my face since they are fogging up and I gaze at the now blurry stars, which have arranged themselves in the shape of Jack's face.

And before I know it I start crying even harder, so I wipe my runny nose on the sleeve of my dress and I look up again, but his face is gone.

I'm still seeing nothing.

Sam is growing worried; he is looking up at me. In all his childlike innocence he asks, "Why you crying mama?" I look at him and stroke the fine brown hair on his head. Admist my tears I whisper to him, "Hopefully you won't know until your old and gray.

He gurgles at the word old, and I wish I could laugh with him. But I can't since I can't hear anything.

I pick up Sam and he asks where we are going. I tell him we are going home, though the place doesn't feel like my home now Jack isn't there. I try to eat a late dinner but I can not seem to force any food down my throat because no matter how hard I try, I taste nothing. Feeding the rest to Sam, who finishes it up eagerly, I crawl into bed and pull the covers above my head and fall asleep.

And I dream about nothing.

When I wake up the birds are chirping, the cows are mooing and the dog is barking. Well…it would seem that way to any other person, but I see nor hear nothing.

Sam is running through the grass barefooted. The cows have been growing unhappy with out their carer, their best friend.

I'm a lot like them. Not that I'm a cow or anything (If you ask the right people) but these cows depend on Jack to keep them happy, safe and alive. As do I.

And he's not here anymore. But now that though doesn't seem so foreign anymore. I walk a well-worn path around the farm, and Sam is following me. I don't know why I'm walking this path, but then it hits me. This is the path that Jack used to walk when he was doing his rounds around the farm.

I turn around expectantly, half expecting to see Jack running up the path and into my arms. But he's not there. Though Sam is.

He's holding a beautiful flower in his small infantile hand and he hands it to me.

"Fwower for you mama."

I feel another tear fall out of my eyes. But it is not a tear of sorrow, but a tear of happiness. I look around and I see the short green grass that the cows are now munching on happily. I see the birds flying near the hot summer sun. I see the sky now a deep blue color.

Unexpectedly, I walk over to the grazing cows. After patting them I sit on the green grass that I can now see but far away from the cow droppings, which I can now smell.

Because the grass is greener on this side.

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	2. Welcome Back

Thank-you for the kind reviews! I have decided to continue this story. Let's see if I can get a chapter up before camp…(3rd of March)

Three Months Later 

I look around the farm, and I glow with pride. Even though I am just a mere librarian, I tackled the chore of keeping the farm falling into despair. Far from it. In fact, it is flourishing with my care. Although I wouldn't have been able to stand standing outside in the sun without Sam.

He is my pride and joy. He is currently learning to walk and is trying to catch a butterfly but keeps tripping over his own feet. He doesn't let this stop him though, he just gets up again and tries (and fails) again.

My only fear is when he starts becoming old enough to ask what happened to his father. Because I won't ever be able to tell him. It still hurts. It will always hurt.

I am thrust out of my musings because Sam is attempting to communicate to me.

"Mama! I catched it!" Sam squeals loudly, waving a white butterfly with black spots over his head like a trophy, and pouts as it manages to escape his tight grip. He stumbles on his short legs as he chases it again.

I stand still for a moment and think hard. It's time to go out again. I decide to go tomorrow, as it's getting dark.

"Sam!" I call. "It's time to come in!"

Sam gives me his pout, and manages to stick his bottom lip out more than I thought was humanly possible.

"No!" he yells.

I chase him around the farm and when I catch him snuggles into my arms mumbling 'warm' as I take him inside. I kiss his forehead and tuck him into bed. He seems to fall asleep instantaneously as soon as his head hits the pillow. I am grateful, because tomorrow is going to be a big day.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

When I wake up the sun is shining and the farm animals are making various noises based on what type of animal they are. I rack my brain as I try to remember my plans for the day. I feel my stomach fall out as I recall that I was going into town to buy some food at the supermarket, since we are down to our last item of food (not counting dairy). A year old chocolate cake pushed down to the back of the fridge, which I have deemed to be inedible. So whether I want to or not, I have to go.

I wake up Sam, which takes a while since he is trying to eat his pillow. "No!" he mumbles. "Tasty!" I feed him some real food (after he realizes most little boys don't eat pillows for breakfast) and clean him up.

Walking out the front door, I can feel my knees threatening to buckle underneath me. My whole body is trembling. Sam is looking up at me, confusion etched on every corner of his face.

"It's alright Sam." I tell him, scooping him up into my arms. "Mummy will be alright." Most of the confusion falls of his face though a small portion still remains. I take a few uneasy steps as I walk north and out of the farm for the first time in three months.

Sam looks utterly confused now; he must not remember the town very well. "Down." he demands. He walks on the paved ground with legs as uneasy as mine. Tripping over again, I kneel down to steady him.

Luckily, on the short walk to the supermarket, Sam and I run into no one. I hold my breath as I walk to the door. As I move my hands to push open the door I can hear my heart beating like a trumpet in my ears. The door opens and I walk in.

The sound generated by the five or so people chatting happily to their friends stopped instantly as I stepped into the shop. Everyone stared at me; their eyes wide open, looking at the other people in the room to make the first move. I look around and quietly thank the Goddess that my parents aren't here.

After two minutes of awkward silence where everyone either stares at the ceiling or the floor, Manna tries to say something. After opening her and closing her mouth three times (making her look like a fish) she opts for two simple words.

"Welcome back."

I start crying again, and Manna puts her arm around my shoulder and awkwardly pats me on the back. Jeff starts fumbling at the cash register, his ears have gone red and he is mumbling something I can't hear and from the look on Sasha's face isn't very nice.

As I walk to the flour, nearly tripping over Sam since my glasses are yet again fogged up, the door opens again. I ignore it, and continue my blinded trek towards the flour. But it seems I can't since as soon as they enter they gasp.

"Mary?"

I turn around and I emit a gasp not quite unlike the persons. Even with my glasses as fogged up as they are, I can recognize that person anywhere. And it's the exact same person I was dreading seeing, because know I will have to tell the story. The whole story. And I'm not ready.

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A/N Thanks for reading. Next chapter: Mary tells person the story. If anyone has any ideas about how Jack could have died, please tell me in a review, since I didn't think that far ahead since this story wasn't planned to go further than the one shot.

Review responses will be next chapter, since I don't have much time. I was lucky enough not to get much homework so I could spend time typing up this chapter. And if I'm ultra lucky I may get another chapter up before camp. But it's not likely.

Thanks for reading,

Thoughts and Pondering.


	3. He Wasn't Breathing

Seeing Nothing.

A/N: Summary Change! Review response, down the bottom.

"Hi Mum." I manage to say; though it thoroughly confuses me how I did mange to say it, because my stomach is currently doing summersaults. I never knew my stomach had such acrobatic ability.

"Mary! It's so great to see you at last!" she exclaims enthusiastically, but her enthusiasm doesn't reach her eyes, which seem cautious and afraid. She gradually walks towards me, and when she reaches me she gives me a hug. But the hug isn't full of the usual motherly love. This hug is like her eyes.

"Why don't you come to our house and have a talk? Your father can't wait to see you. It's been so long, after all." Mum says, but I see the hidden message hidden behind her words. But instead of trying to resist her, I just follow her. Just like a sheep, with my little lamb following me.

I step into the house, and already I see the familiar sights of my mum's house. At one stage of my life, I called this place home. But I no longer do so, because the farm is my home. Home is not a place. It is a feeling. It is a feeling of belonging; it is a feeling of love. I no longer feel these feeling from my Mother's house. It is no longer my home. My mum's presence has poisoned it. It is her like her eyes; it is like her hugs. It is no longer the same place.

I sit down in the chair and faced my mum across our huge wooden dinner table. Mum starts talking, but I block her out. I stare out the window, and it is a normal spring day. But however normal the day is, the events that are taking place. I look at my mum, and our eyes meet. After a few minutes of an intense staring competition, Dad walks downstairs.

"Mary!" he exclaims, as he rushes up to me to pull me up in a big bear hug. I can smell the flower and plants on his clothes, and it calms me. I don't want to tell my mother about anything. She is known as one of the town's biggest gossips. Instinctively, I pick Sam up and clutch him close to my chest, the way a child might hold a teddy bear. But in all this time I say nothing.

Another period of silence begins, where no-one talks and everyone stares. I find my parents looking at Sam, still held tight to my chest. Even though I see him every day, I still can't believe how big he's grown.

"So Mary, why don't you tell us about that night?" my mum's suggestion is blunt, and it brings tears to my eyes, but I won't ever, ever, ever, ever cry in front of my parents. So I don't let them spill. Instead, I remember.

**_Flashback _**

_**I woke up in the middle of the night and Jack still hadn't come home yet. I ignored the funny feeling in the bottom of my stomach and fell asleep again. I woke up again and Jack still hadn't come home. It was four o'clock in the morning. I was worried, but the worst that I had thought could have happened was that he had spent the night at the clinic.**_

_**I walked to the clinic, but everyone was sleeping. That meant he wasn't there, since either Elli or the doctor would stay awake to nurse the over night patients. I couldn't think straight. I was now worried beyond belief. I ran home, and picked up Sam, who was still sleeping. I took a walk around the woods to clear my head, and maybe use the abundant amount of logic that resided in my brain. I walked along the lake, and saw my reflection. I saw a scared and panicked woman starting back at me. I didn't think I felt like that, but I was unsure of my emotions at that point. **_

**_I continued to the mine entrance where I saw someone lying next to it, with a basket merely centimetres away from his hand. _**

_**I couldn't see the person, since the clouds blocked the moon out. I was about to walk back to the farm and find a torch to see who it was, but then the clouds shifted and I could see the person. It was Jack,**_

**_His leg was twisted at an odd angle, indicating he had tripped over something. His face was blue, like a huge bloated blueberry. But the worst thing was that he wasn't breathing. I think I stopped breathing myself at that moment. I then pinched myself more than a hundred times, trying to wake up from that horrible nightmare. _**

**_But I didn't wake up, since this wasn't a figment of my over-active imagination. It was reality, and I had a big, ugly bruise to prove it. Even though Sam was still sleeping, I shielded his eyes. Because even if this was reality, it was a horrible reality. _**

**_I fell to my knees and I cried for hours. I only stopped when Ann came for her morning walk. I told her nothing. She helped me move the body. I had a private funeral with only Carter and I in attendance, _**

**_The only people at that stage who knew Jack was dead were Ann and Carter, Even though, it probably spread quickly in the town, since a secret that size couldn't keep hidden for long. _**

**_I went for another walk there, and I looked at my face in the lake again. It was worse than it was before, a feat that I had thought to be impossible. I was only a shadow of who I was. I went back to the entrance of the mine. I finally decided to look in the basket. There was a jewel. _**

**_In a plain, wicker basket, one would never imagine to find a jewel so beautiful. I lifted it out of the basket to get a better look at it. It had a golden glow, but looked silver at the same time. Then I recognized it. I didn't bother to stifle my gasp. This was the legendary Goddess's Smile. _**

**_I looked in the basket again, to see if there was anything in there. A piece of paper was in the bottom, screwed into a ball. I quickly unwrapped it, my fingers were trembling. _**

_**It was your average things-to-do list. I looked at the first item in the list**_.

**_#1: Find Mary an anniversary present. Something meaningful._**

**_The piece slipped out my hands. The day Jack died…was also our anniversary. I started crying again. Admist my tears I lifted the Goddess's Smile and slipped it into my pocket. I did receive my anniversary present after all that. But I still didn't know what caused his death. _**

**End Flashback **

I remembered, but I didn't tell. My thoughts are my thoughts and they are now worth more than two cents.

My parents are looking at me, expecting me to say something after watching me think. I want to get out of this; I don't want to tell them.

"How did he die?" Mum asks. Always blunt and to the point, and not at all subtle.

"I don't know." I whisper.

"I can't hear you!" Mum says in a louder than neccesary voice.

"I DON'T KNOW!" I yell, for it is the truth.

"You better start telling people soon, Mary. People are starting to think _you _killed him.

I am enraged by this last comment. Highly annoyed, I tell her, "What I think is the truth, will be the truth to me." I clutch Sam even tighter and run out of the house. I can still hear that last comment playing in my head, like an incredibly slow television.

"_People are starting to think you killed him."_

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Krazie4Christ: Thanks, hope you enjoyed this chapter.

CannedCream: Yeah, that's what happened with this chapter. I just sat here and did nothing. MY HANDS DID THE WORK: P

K: I don't really care about your crush on a certain tree ( **(cough)**I.T technician(cough)) Please, find something better to occupy your time with while I'm not with you. I said please!

Thank-you for reading.

Thoughts and Pondering.


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